sorry, blame it on me.

why does the past always come back? to haunt you? to tease you? to make you smile? to make you cry? why cant the past just always stay in the past? the past is the past, but the things that happen in them, the feelings that go through your head, the memories that happen the whole time, that you cant ever forget. its more difficult than you can imagine when a guy is standing infront of you, one that you became friends with, one that you miss so much, but when your around him you cant control your feelings. the feeling to touch him, the way he touched you. the feelings running through your head, from the last time that everything went right. i know why i miss him so much, two reasons:

one: the one that i never really realized, until a while back. he reminds me so much of the one i lost. i know i sound crazy when i say that he acts like him, like cole, but the way he is reminds me so much of him. he can make me smile in a heartbeat, with his gorgeous smile, and his blue eyes that always get caught in the light, and his brown hair, thats always covered with gel, but always looks so right. i miss cole, but this guy, reminds me too much of him to let me let him go.

second: the one that probably no one will understand, he makes me happy, he makes me smile. when i tell people that i have a wall around me, i dont think they understand, because how can you understand what its like to see so many people who can be close to you but you wont let them, because your scared, but you dont really know the true reason. with andrew he can let me put down that wall somewhat, he can let me have so much fun without even realizing what hes doing. hes so oblivious, that its funny. i miss him.

i know i wont ever be able to date him, no matter what i do. his girlfriend has him around her little pinky, he's at her beck and call. it sucks for him, he needs to be with someone who respects him, who doesnt get jealous so quickly. i know i wont date him, but that wont stop me from wanting to date him. i know i probably hurt him, and then i just let my feelings get in the way, i got hurt but he probably got hurt to, for that i am sorry.