here in your arms

my life right now is complicated. i recently broke up with my only boyfriend which i completly regret even going out with him. i lied to myself and made myself desperate i wanted the feel of a guy near, and the feeling of knowing i could depend on someone. if i have any advice it is the advice i got from my bestfreind melissa she told me "live your life, and let the right guy find you through there." ever since then i havent been looking for guys ive been looking for what makes me happy. soccer, friends, and everything else. it so far is going good and i am finally for the first time happy and content in where i am.

that may be true for my social life but my home life is completly diffrent right now. we still dont know about anything for my grandpa, and my dad still gets drunk every once in while. on june 26 is when we find out what will happen. he has a possibility of two hundred years. this is scary for me, because my whole family is messed up but never with the law. ive dealt with families disowning part of their own and coming to ours, and a family disowning me and my sister and father, but never have i dealt wih the law it is so diffrent. in this one they dont choose this, tthough they do the crime so i dont know how to react at all.

but other things that are good that are going on is that im making more friends everyday, but im scared that im losing some old relationships little by little, and im scared about that, but on the other side my new relationships are even stronger then all the others. i know where i want to go with my whole life, i want relationships like these in my old friends, and i want the truth about my family, if my grandfather could axually do that to someone, and finally i want to find someone while being myself every single day. i dont want to change myself, but i still want that feeling, and im just going have to hold off on wanting this for a little longer. ill try to post more so vic will get off my back, but we'll just see i guess.