pain

tonight i have done one of the craziest things i have done in one day. i went wild and let my friends go up to guys to see if they where single for me. truthfully, i loved this, its just i didnt know how to react around them, but now that i am at home, typing on my computer, and remensing about it, i wish i would have taken advantage of this. i wanted a friend like this for a long time, one who is head strong, and will go after what she wants, or what her friends tell her to do. i love that about her. now i just wish that i couldve talked to some of them, and had more fun. i messed up so much, but now i will be ready for the next time, and ready for the intesity of it. i love going crazy i just dont know how to react to do this, because im scared. i dont have that much confindence with guys. all they do is use me, and dump me. thats what im scared about. that is the thing that scares me, to be left on the side of the road, but something that scares me more, is to never feel the happiness, because so far i havent felt it yet. i wish i could relive what i just did, but i know that i will get to do it again, soon, i hope sooner, than later.