Friday, September 25, 2009

always

today has been a long one, full of happiness and sadness, like any day i guess. the thing is i like this one guy, his names nathien, and well the good part is that anytime he sees me he says hi, or nods his head at me, its amazing. the bad part about this is one of my bestfriends hates him, because he got her friend in trouble. along with the fact that my sister doesnt want me to like him, mainly because hes a player, and she doesnt want to see me get hurt.

i dont know why he appeals to me, i guess it has something to do with he is loud, and out there, or maybe because he talks alot and it wouldnt be awkward, or maybe its just being with a guy that has alot of friends and knows how to have a good time probably has alot to do with it. i guess the real reason is that he acuatlly notices me, alot more then most guys. most guys just look, and say she means nothing, or they just look right over my head, never noticing me. i guess its nice to be noticed every once in a while. i suprisingly like this feeling. i want to feel important to someone, like this, not like friends or family, just like a guy. i guess i want to feel like someone special. it hasn't ever happened to me where i just can say i am special, because im not usually. im the quiet, smart girl, who intimidates to many people, because of my rough exterior. the sad part about this is that once you know me, you learn that i get scared easily, and things hurt me, but i cant show it because of that, im too bottled up, but it works for me. sometimes im tired of being the girl no one notices, but its not like i can change it. i dont want to change my self, its gotten me this far,it can last me longer, i know that.

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