boulverad of broken dreams

you know what pisses me off, is when someone says they love you, and they don't even know a thing about you. in the last day i was told by my ex boyfriend that he loves me, but the thing is all he knew about me was i played soccer. basically all of my friends know that, that is the first thing they learn about me, because its the one thing, besides people, that i care for. he didn't know why my best friends where who they were. he didn't know what my dreams where, or what i was scared of. and yet he still thinks he can say he loves me. he is an idiot, and i hate him. everytime i get a text from him i go oh, shit. what is he going to say know. he has caused me so much pain. its hard for me to even like a guy anymore. the main reason how he hurt me is simple, he didn't care, and every time i put myself out there a little he hurt me. telling me that was a good kiss. ya dude, thanks for saying i sucked at kissing. the one thing i have learned in the last week is simple, no matter what you do you will get hurt. no matter what preventatives you take you can't make the pain stop. the pain of feeling embarrassed, and everything else. in my head i think logically, never emotionally, except for this, guys. are we ever supposed to think logically with guys, because if we are, i have failed miserably. the last thing he texted me, is the thing that scares me so much, he told me if i wrote something wrong, i'm dead. just so you know i don't get scared easily, its just i dont trust people, and when he threatened me, i just didnt react well. the sad thing is i have to make sure things turn out right, or he might go after my friends. my friends are the one thing that stops me in my tracks. if you mention them, about them hurting, or about to be hurt, i would trade my life to make sure they are okay. it puts so much strain on me, but i dont care. i know thats a sad thing to say because i neglect my self so much, going through so much emotional stuff, that hurts so bad, but i cant hurt them, and i cant let them feel the constant pain i do. i may think logically but, there is always something emotional going on inside me, that makes me think logically, because if i acted on the emotions i would be left with nothing. if i could make one wish, it would be to have someone by my side that would protect me, because im tired of the pain and the sadness, i just want feel safe for once.