in my life i wish i could be stronger in every aspect. i wish i could hide the pain im feeling right now, but i cant. i just got a call from my best friend telling me she was hugging the guy she likes, and she is wearing his shirt that is now his. as she is telling me this, you could hear my voice get lower and lower. all i wanted to do was cry, as she told me how much fun she had with him. i want someone near me, so i wont feel like this anymore. the other part of me, is saying i should never feel this way, i should never want this, i should just want to show people im strong, but inside im not. the one guy that i like, wont like me. he gave me a hug and thats it. he also texted me, but thats it. i want to spend more time with him, but im scared that he will realize that im not worth his time. every guy has realized that so far. like i said vic, you dont want this power, people like you at the begging then forget you exist.
as i sit writing about a wish i could have, i realize more and more im not strong enough. im not strong enough to survive on my own, and as i realize i cant i know someone is doing it, and im cursing at myself, blaming myself, that i cant do it. the main reason im scared right now is that, im scared that in my life i will always be depe nding on someone. that scares me more than anything. when i was younger i was taught always depend on yourself, never others, and now i cant depend on myself, im just weak. i cant support myself right this second, right this minute, right this hour. i want to depend on someone, but i know that it has a terrible cost, i will be scared that i will always depend on them. that is what scares me the most, and i wish i wasnt scared anymore. as i sit here typing tears pour out, the first ive cried in years, because this is the first time i wasnt strong enough to pull through one night. one night of pain, and suffering.
About Me
- Alyssa
- my favorite thing to do, besides spend a lot of time with friends, is to play soccer. it is the one place i can be free. one of the very weird things about me, is that i will be one of the wildest person's you meet after you know me, but you have to get over that barrier, of me being the quite, lonely girl, to see the real one inside of me. the last thing you need to know is every time i post, it is titled with a song from the bottom, except for the poems.
Playlist.
2 comments:
i am so sorry, i know how it feels. i was always taught to never trust people, and to just rely on yourself as well. now i can never trust anyone very well, im always afraid that theyre going to leave, or if i leave again. im so sorry. :(
i cant even go on facebook anymore without worrying if hes there, so i know how you feel. :P
he is pretty creepy, but my way of dealing with him is better:kick him in the shin, then get you and emma to beat him up and steal his money. it all works out :)
and your question on your profile, is the EXACT same as taylors, even basically the same answer. creeeepy :P
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