people say that everything will work out. i don't see how. i sit in my room writing about my life, the life i wish i could fix. today i was hugged by one guy who never hugs anyone, and another guy was offering to put a bag on my shoulders. one of these guys i like, the way he looks, acts, especially his eyes, but i dont want to make it complicated, which means i have to make things complicated for me. most people wont understand what that means, and i dont want to explain it. my friend told me today, that i have a power, one that i wish i didn't have. the power to make guys like me. she says she wants this power, but how can you like this power when the only thing on your mind, is a long relationship, not one that is for a week. that is what i want, but when im with friends, i let them think im okay, inside, and out. but the truth is, im not okay. im not happy. im not complete. everyone wants some sort of belonging, ive found that in soccer, family, friends, but the one thing i do want is a relationship, someone i can depend on. that is one thing i probably will never find.
in my life depending on someone, meant depending on yourself. i dont want that anymore. i want someone to take charge, because im so scared that i wont get somewhere, or i'll screw up, but really, im tired. im tired of being the girl that everyone depends on. the one that is strong, that never has any problems. the truth is i do have problems, i just dont let people know it. one thing about me, is that im attached to my friends, but none of them will guess. im extremly clingy, but never do they know. i want peace right now. i try to be who i am, but i want something, that i shouldnt have yet. i shouldnt want love, and acceptance from a guy that matters to me. but i do, and im scared that this feeling will never go away, until it is satsified, which will be a long time, because i wil never find the truth, about me.
About Me
- Alyssa
- my favorite thing to do, besides spend a lot of time with friends, is to play soccer. it is the one place i can be free. one of the very weird things about me, is that i will be one of the wildest person's you meet after you know me, but you have to get over that barrier, of me being the quite, lonely girl, to see the real one inside of me. the last thing you need to know is every time i post, it is titled with a song from the bottom, except for the poems.
Playlist.
2 comments:
oh, my, god.
im not even sure what to say. i almost started to cry after i read this, because you dont even know how much alike we actually are, and i didnt until i read that.
i do want your power. because every guy that i like, never likes me in that way back. and i wouldnt mind having a one week relationship, just to be so close to someone, someone you could call your boyfriend, well, thatd be nice, even for just a little while. i probably wont find it either, as i said, no one likes me that way back.
out of all my friendships, i always had to be the strong one too. i could never complain about my life to them, tell them how i was feeling, because they always needed me to listen. i never had a chance to tell them all my problems. thats why i always say im cold hearted, because i just can never tell anyone how i feel. especially with my one friend, the one we hung out with last night. shes always telling me something new about her life, something horrible that has happened to her. and i have to be strong for her, because im really the only one she has.
and you should want love, dont think you ever shouldnt, because it is important. and i personally dont think everything will work out. it never does.
sorry i wrote a book. :P
but sometimes all you need is just one week, it could turn into something more, or it may not, but still taking the chance is what matters. and, if the reltionship is only for a week, you probably wont be that close anyway, so it wouldnt hurt as much as a longer one.
Post a Comment