well the one thing i said about this being a long week, i was wrong it was a very long week, very long. the only thing it did for me was give me alot of time to think, about life, about guys, about the future, everything. the night before i left i went on a date. on this date i found out that he wasnt who he said he was. he hid a certain part that scared me. one of the only things im scared of, like deathly scared of, is men and there needs, and when they dont get those needs easily they take it. thats what scared me, because im not getting into that kind of predidcatment. i told him that night i couldnt see him anymore, and the way he was attached, hes scared me so bad, that i wont get attached to anyone for a very long time.
this week was very opening and yet backtracking. this week i learned that i dont need a guy, but what i found after that was that i still depend on people. my family has a lot of people that are just sorta of thrown in, because they are so close. i have four people that are like my dads. ive gotten so close to them this weekend, and im scared im getting attached. the one thing in life ive learned is never become attached to anyone, because they will hurt you, or you will hurt them. so as im getting closer, as im becoming more trusting of them, im scared that im going to get hurt again. i cant trust people, thats why i run from relationships, because i will get hurt, by them, or by the guilt. i cant cause people pain,thats why im always in pain, emotionally and physically. thats why i hate depending on people. this week i bonded to the one guy i wasnt that close to. the reason i trusted him so much after this week is because his demeanor reminds like my dad is, he is protecting, and he can make me calm down so easily, because he is used to kids or something. as everyday passes, i get closer to people, now the only thing i fear is what the people in the future hold.
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that guy, well he was a creeper, and you shouldnt worry about it, hes fine now.
different guys react to break ups differently. theres guys, like that one, who are clingy and in need of a relationship. they overreact. then there are the guys who dont care, to show that they are "tough" when theyre not. then are the guys in between those two. so dont worry, though i understand that you dont want to get attached.
and i dont trust people that easily either, so when i do trust someone its pretty big. ive basically talked about all of this to you already.
missed you, glad youre back!! XD
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